Daddy Everyday Blog

Educating, Encouraging and Engaging Fathers and Those Raising Our Children

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The Importance of Being An In- House Dad (Chapter from Fresh Start For Dads)

The Importance of Being An In- House Dad

Now, just to make sure I’m clear on this, this chapter is not suggesting that fathers that live away from their children aren’t doing a great job. This chapter is to illustrate the impact and difference of fathers that live with their children and those that don’t. For those that don’t live with their children, you can’t change your relationship and situation with your child’s mother. However, for the generation that is growing up and one day will be fathers, I want them to understand just having babies with random women will continue to be the downfall of the black community and vice versa. In the end, fathers and mothers will move on with their lives, the children, however will be impacted possibly for the rest of their lives from the separation.

I’m extremely involved in every aspect of my sons’ lives. The older one, I walk from his school bus stop everyday. I make sure he gets his after school snack before starting his homework. Going over his sight words and reviewing all the papers the school sends home for fundraisers, upcoming events and classroom notes. This is how I spend my afternoon. When in season, I do all the previously mentioned plus drama club meetings and soccer practice. I, certainly, will do the same with my younger son when he gets

older. This is all possible because I am able to arrange my work schedule to cover these times since my wife won’t be home due to her teaching schedule. Since this is my life, it’s hard for me to imagine trying to do all these things if I lived away from my children. I hear the stories on how fathers miss out on so much of their child’s life because they live away from the child. The struggle is real for fathers that live away from their children but want to be an active participant in their lives. In the following paragraphs, I will share, is data from ‘The Pew Study’ on the difference in participation of fathers living with and living apart from their child. Also, I’m going to touch on the difference in fathers who live with children and those that live apart from them.

This goes without saying but fathers that live with their children are simply more active in their children’s lives, studies show. I’m talking about the child’s day, homework and all other activities and in-house fathers have more involvement. Availability and convenience makes it’s easier for them to do so. Now, a good relationship or at least communication between mothers and fathers that live apart may allow arrangements to be made to ensure the father will get the same accessibility as the in-house father. One of the most disturbing findings by Pew Research Center is that, fathers that live with their children participate in their lives

more that of fathers 50 years ago. However, the number of fathers living apart from their children has doubled than that of 50 years ago.

Let me give you a profile of a stereotypical father that lives apart from his children: black male, with less than a high school diploma, family income less than $30,000 a year. Education is definitely proven to be a key in father involvement in a child’s life. The study shows that 7% of fathers with a college degree live away from their child but 40% of fathers with less than a high school diploma live
apart. More than 44% of black fathers live away from their children. That more than doubles that of white fathers living away. The one glimmer of hope for our community from this study is that despite the number of black fathers living apart from their children, they are the most involved in their children lives.

Active participation in your child’s life is the most important aspect of their growing up. Regardless of your living situation, there is no excuse to be absent from your child’s life. Involvement in children’s lives will vary from family to family, so don’t measure your participation by other fathers. Judge your involvement on what your heart and child are telling you.

20 Ways Of Training The Mind On Positive Thinking (Part 2: 11 of 20)

20 Ways Of Training The Mind On Positive Thinking (Part 2: 11 of 20)

11. Laugh.

Enjoy. Have fun. Looking at the brighter side of life starts with entertainment and pleasure. Laughter is the best medicine, so they say. Whether your illness is physical or emotional, a few laughs and giggles can help you throw away heavy baggage such as anxiety, disappointment, or nervousness.

12. Keep a list of your goals and actions.

Familiarize yourself with things you want to accomplish and with the ways you must undertake to complete them. By the time you are certain of what you want to do and carry out in your life, a stronger mind and will power will exist within you.

13. Associate with positive people.

In every classroom, work place, or simply anywhere you go where there are groups of people, look for optimistic ones. There are lots of them, Iím sure. Associate with them, hang-out, discuss matters. They can help you build self-confidence and self-esteem.

14. Make it a habit to ask questions.

This is not equal to dumbness and ignorance; rather, it is associated with seeking more information and understanding matters clearly. With more knowledge, there is also more power.

15. Be open.

We have to accept the fact that we don’t know everything. And that we are continuously learning in every place we go, with every people we meet as everyday passes. We should not close our minds to new ideas and information that comes our way. Our mind is so spacious that it is impossible to fill it up completely. Thus, we should accept worthy things that may help us become better and brighter persons.

16. Have trust in other people.

Although it may seem difficult and risky to give trust to just any people, when you believe in them or confident on what they are doing for you, doubts and negative judgments on them will be unnecessary. Also, it will bring harmonious relationships between you and your colleagues.

17. Forgive and forget.

Mistakes and failures are the root causes of negative thinking. If we somehow learn to let go of all the pain, agony, and fear we try to keep inside our hearts and minds, then there will be nothing more to block our clear thoughts from being expressed. Forgive yourself for committing mistakes and forget these mistakes.

18. Learn from experiences.

Learning inside the classroom is different from learning outside it. In school, one learns the lesson first before taking an exam; while in real life, one takes the test first before learning the lesson. This test in the real life is our experiences. If we failed in that test, i.e. the experience is not so good, we study the situation and learn the lesson. From here, we can avoid committing the same mistake twice.

19. Count your blessings.

Focus on what you have rather than what you don’t have. Absence of our desires will only bring discontentment and disappointment that will only waste our time. Instead, be thankful and appreciative with all the blessings we receive.

20. Kiss your worries goodbye.

At the end of everyday, before going to sleep, there is no need to keep bad experiences and unhappy moments that had happened in the day within you. Let them go, throw them out of the window and kiss them goodbye. Dream sweetly. As a new day unfolds, new hope arises. Keep believing. Always have faith.

20 Ways Of Training The Mind On Positive Thinking (Part 1: 10 of 20)

20 Ways Of Training The Mind On Positive Thinking (Part 1: 10 of 20)

1. Start the day with cheers and smiles.

Your whole day depends on how you greet the morning. Therefore, as long as you welcome it with energy and high spirits, everything will go okay. You don’t want the rest of the day to get ruined, do you? Come on, smile! It doesn’t cost anything but is worth everything.

2. Ask for guidance.

Only God knows what we will be having on the day ahead of us. He will surely appreciate a few minutes of praying and asking for guidance from Him. Also, have faith on Him that He is more than willing to grant our requests as long as it is for our own good. With God as our guide, we don’t have any reason not to say and believe in the thought that I can do this. I can make it through this day. Nothing is impossible. After all, God is with me.

3. Plan the day ahead.

To avoid mistakes that will cause negative output on your daily activities that will later on become negative thoughts, it is better to plan your work first; after which, work your plan. Make sure today’s goals are clearly defined and absorbed by your mind. This can be done even before you get out of bed each day, just so immediate addressing issues as they arise can be avoided.

4. Keep your mind focused on important things.

Set goals and priorities for what you think and do. Visualize practicing your actions. Develop a strategy for dealing with problems. Concentrate on things that need to be taken seriously, but at the same time, take time to relax and enjoy. This way, favorable results may take place.

5. Be detached from the outcome.

They say that life is like a Ferris Wheel; sometimes, you’re on the top, and sometimes at the bottom. This means that there will be times in our lives where some things would not turn out according to what we want them to be. Don’t be annoyed if you don’t get what you desire. However, do your best in everything you do. Only, donít get too attached on the probable results that may only cause disappointments and upsets.

6. Try new things and challenges.

See learning and changes as opportunities. There’s nothing wrong in changing attitudes and routines as long as they are for the good and improvement of who you are and what you do. Doing new things may include considering more options for a project, meeting new people from different places, asking lots of questions. Through this, the flow of thinking is directed to improvement and negative thoughts will be easily eradicated.

7. Balance your desires.

We live in a place of opposites, gain and loss, pleasure and pain, light and dark, male and female, love and hate. This is how the cycle of life goes. We can never have all the good things in life at the same time. In love, there will always be someone who gets hurt. In wealth, there will always be people who will not be fortunate enough. Measure and moderation is the primary key.

8. Be realistic.

Make sure that what you want is something possible. Hoping for something to happen which would never really materialize in real life will only bring you disappointment. For instance, you wish to lose weight. Therefore, you have to set a goal and act on appropriate measures within a period of time to achieve what you wish. Hey, No one can get slimmer overnight.

9. Keep track of your mental and physical health.

This way, you will know how far you can keep believing.

Know yourself. There is no other person in the world who can tell who you really are. Know your passions, favorites, and principles. Spend some quality time by yourself ñ reading, listening to music, day dreaming, and the likes. If you know yourself completely, you will be aware of how far can you go physically, mentally, and emotionally.

10. Love yourself.

Before you expect for other people to love and adore you, it is always you who needs to love yourself first. Make a positive commitment to yourself, to learning, work, family, friends, nature, and other worthwhile causes. Praise yourself as much as you praise others once in a while. When you start feeling confident about yourself, positive thoughts will naturally flow to your mind.

11 of 20 in the next blog post, stay tuned.

Giving Up In Dealing With Your Fears Is Not An Option

Giving Up In Dealing With Your Fears Is Not An Option

Your fears, anxieties, and other problems have the best of you and you don’t know where to turn for help. At some point you feel totally helpless as you struggle each day. What do you do?

As a layman and an author of a Managing Fear book, there were times that my fears had the best of me. Through these experiences, there is one thing that I learned. You can’t hide or runaway from your fears.

Taking drugs, drinking, or other addictions will not take away your problems and fears. In the short run, they will make you feel better but in the long run these addictions will only make things worse.

So what do you do to make your problems and fears go away? Well, since you can’t runaway from them, then the best solution is to tackle your fears head on no matter how strong they may be. The key is to be smart in how you try to manage these fears. Here are some ways in how to manage your persistent fears and anxieties.

Take it one day at a time. Instead of worrying about how you will get through the rest of the week or coming month, try to focus on today. Each day can provide us with different opportunities to learn new things and that includes learning how to deal with your problems. Focus on the present and stop trying to predict what may happen next week. Next week will take care of itself.

Learn how to manage your fearful thoughts that may be difficult to manage. When experiencing a negative thought, read some positive statements and affirmations that help lift your spirits and make you feel better. Remember that your fearful thoughts may be exaggerated so balance these thoughts with realistic thinking and common sense.

Take advantage of the help that is available around you. If possible, talk to a professional who can help you manage your fears and anxieties. They will be able to provide you with additional advice and insights on how to deal with your current problem. By talking to a professional, a person will be helping themselves in the long run because they will become better able to deal with their problems in the future. Managing your fears and anxieties takes practice. The more you practice, the better you will become.

When managing your fears and anxieties do not try to tackle everything at once. The best solution is to break your fears or problems into a series of smaller steps. Completing these smaller tasks one at a time will make the stress more manageable and increases your chances of success.

Managing your fears and anxieties will take some hard work. Trying to avoid you problems will do nothing in getting rid of your fears and anxieties. Sooner or later, you will have to confront your fears and anxieties. Remember that all you can do is to do your best each day, hope for the best, and take things in stride. Patience, persistence, education, and being committed in trying to solve your problem will go along way in fixing your problems.

Great Tips To Make Your Goals Your Reality

Great Tips To Make Your Goals Your Reality

Goals are a great tool for motivation. But if you don’t use them correctly, they can also be a source of frustration. Goals are only empowering if they are used properly. So how do you make a goal into something that is a benefit for you?

Goal-setting strategies are important especially for to help you create the type of success you desire and deserve. Here are five goal-setting techniques to help you realize them.

1. Balance Your Goals: In your life you will have personal development goals, personal finance goals and things goals. Don’t neglect any of them. It is ok to want things, but don’t forget to balance those pursuits with your own growth as a person. All of these goals are important so be clear about all of them and make them real for you.

2. Plan Actions From Your Goals: Goals are not items for your to do list. Your goal is what you are striving for. Plan specific actions that lead you towards those goals. Use the goals to provide your compass for those actions. When you plan actions for the day you can easily tell if they’re going to be effective if you have clear goals to compare them against.

3. Share Your Goals: If you were an archer, would you keep it a secret that your goal is to hit the bull’s-eye? Too many keep their goals a secret. Share your goals with people who will support and encourage your aims.

4. Write Down Your Goals: Make your goals real by recording them. Put copies of your goals on index cards and keep copies in the car and in the bathroom and review them regularly. Make them the center of your focus. Don’t just set them and then ignore them. Your goals are like a compass to tell you which way to go. The exciting part is that you get to chose the alignment of your compass.

5. Don’t Give Up: Your goals and the actions you take to get them are different things. Don’t be afraid to try something, fail and try something else. Take effective and massive action to meet your goals and understand that any true goals will take many steps to achieve. Sometimes you will make a misstep, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with the goal. Everyone makes mistakes, but it’s only those who abandon their goals who don’t achieve them.

4 Quick Stress Relievers

4 Quick Stress Relievers

Stress is fast becoming the biggest health problem in modern societies. Financial pressures, work pressures, family pressures ñ so much to do so little time to do it all! Here’s four quick ways to ease the pressure and relieve stress:

1. Make time to switch off from the daily trials and tribulations and relax for at least one hour every day. Just shut the world out and do something you enjoy. Reading, playing a musical instrument, taking a relaxing bath with music and candles (and maybe a glass of wine) are all great ways to unwind and will be extremely beneficial to your mental health.

2. If you’re dealing with a stressful situation and you have a lot on your plate then it can be very hard to find solutions. You’re caught up in the midst of a sandstorm and it is very difficult to see the way out. A good idea is to get some distance from your problems so you can gather your thoughts. If possible, take a day or even a weekend away from your usual surroundings, somewhere peaceful, and relax. Take a journal along so you can jot down any ideas. Distance away from problems can bring clarity and by relaxing, you’ll be calmer and solutions will come far easier than when you’re in the heat of battle.

3. One of the reasons people become stressed is because they are facing a change or even a number of changes to their lives. Change is a constant in life and refusing to accept change can cause stress levels to soar. When you are faced with a change, try to find the positives associated with change and embrace change instead of resisting it. Every change presents an opportunity for you to grow and there are always positives to find in even the most trying of circumstances. Change doesn’t bring stress, it’s all about how you react to change and if you react in a negative way, you will do yourself no end of harm.

4. Treat yourself to a pamper day. This is a day where you escape from the hustle and bustle of everyday living and enjoy some stress-free time. You’ll also feel great and give your well being a huge boost. On this day, have a light workout, a swim, a sauna, a Jacuzzi, a steam room. A massage would be nice and if you have access to one, a Turkish baths will give you an invigorating experience. Try to do this at least once a month, it is an excellent stress-buster.

The 4 Tips here will help you to significantly reduce your stress levels but they’ll only work for you if you put them into action. Give them a go and you’ll be amazed at the results!

More stress relievers and techniques to come.

Values

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Think about your values. When you know what’s important to you, your decision making will become clearer. Not necessarily easier. The reason why decision making is difficult at times is because we struggle between our values and desires, or wants. Be true to yourself is not just a cliche, it should be your way of life.

5 Date Ideas From Over 140 Amazing Dates Ideas For Husbands, Wives, Boyfriends, Girlfriends Living In Date BoredomVille

Here are 5 date ideas you implement into your dating life. These ideas aren’t your typical movie and dinner routines.

Research a subject matter you both are interested in at home or the library.

Get your digital photos printed and put together a couple of photo albums for them.

Get a couple of cocktails at your favorite watering hole or visit a new one.

 

Offer to help a friend or family member clean their garage but they have to feed you.

Speaking of getting a free meal. Spend the day trying to cleverly get a free breakfast, lunch and dinner from your friends.

*Please note that these date concepts are only for couples that are into each other.

For more of these date concepts check out Over 140 Amazing Dates Ideas For Husbands, Wives, Boyfriends, Girlfriends Living In Date BoredomVille available at DaddyEveryday.org and Amazon.com.

The Importance of Family Life (Excerpt From Daddy Up Course Workbook)

The Importance Of Family Life

A family unit is the unit which builds up a person’s personality. How you behave and what you become in life is very much dependent on your family life. Psychologists believe that a child learns the most from his or her family life. The way your family members deal with you has a life long effect on your personality. Keeping in view all these facts the importance of your family life cannot be denied. Family unit happens to be the most important part of your life till you grow up.

The children are usually closer to their parents and their siblings as compared to any other person in the world. As the children grow up they find good friends, spouses, their own kids and colleagues to share their lives with. Although time brings this change but the importance of family remains there. The children who have a sound family background and who belong to a family with strong family ties are almost always happier. Thus one cannot deny the importance of family life.

The life with your family is very important as it plays a major role in your development into the person you become. The goals you set for yourself in your life are very much dependent on the life you have with your family. Those children who belong to the families which have a rich education background tend to learn more. They are interested in learning more and thus it is easy for their parents to get them educated. Similarly, for example, children who belong to a family from which a few of the people are in the field of professional sports, the kids tend to have an interest in sports and they also plan to go to the same field. The sons and daughters of stars from the film industries usually plan to follow the suit of their parents. Thus it is the effect of your family life which guides you to decide what profession you want to do as an adult.

Family life is also important in the sense that it gives you your basic strength as a person. The people who have a smooth and well settled family life are generally less scared of life. Those who are a part of broken family are generally less confident. These people always expect the worst in life. This is a general state of mind which results in building up of a negative personality. Family life is also important to people as it is the part of our life which has more effects on us as compared to any other part of our life. The way a mother treats her kids is actually the deciding factor what those kids will be like as human beings when they grow up.

In today’s world a big social problem is that the family unit is not being considered as important as it used to be. In many parts of the world the time period for which people live together as a family is shrinking. The family life adds a sense of responsibility in your personality which lacks in those people who have not have a very nice family life.

This excerpt is from “The Family Life” section of the Daddy Up Course Workbook, which is available at DaddyEveryday.org and Amazon.com.

Twenty Seconds Can Change Your Life

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Think of something you’ve been avoiding or putting off. Make that call. Send that email. Ask that person. Whatever it is, do it. If you were looking for permission or a sign, here it is.